Lost Things Found

Hello, again. 

:: dust, dust, dust ::
:: sweep, sweep, sweep ::

Picture me swaying sentimentally to the “Welcome Back” song of the ’70s as I write this to you.

Somehow nearly three years have passed since I’ve entered this space. I hardly remembered how to log in and navigate the interface, fumbling around like a grandma with the latest iPhone. Bless my heart.

Life has not slowed down since my last published post here – in fact, the opposite is true. My family and I moved, I quit my job in healthcare, began writing more freelance, and had another baby – a girl – who is well on her way to her first birthday! 

Well, I say life has not slowed down, but in recent weeks it actually has. And drastically so. Our whole world came to screeching halt in the wake of a global pandemic that we’re still in the messy middle of. Does it seem like a dream to anyone else? It just doesn’t seem real. 

And maybe it’s not quite fair to say life came to a halt – certainly some things did, most things, but not everything. Maybe it’s more accurate to say that our pace is what has slowed so dramatically. Nowhere to rush to. No bustling social life. No complicated calendars. 

I can say that even as a mom with a house full of loud little kids, things are eerily quiet. Things are still. Slow. 

Slow enough to reclaim some things that have been lost.

Like, say, a blog perhaps? 

I think when this is over everyone will have a different story of the beautiful thing they reclaimed in the midst of crisis. What will yours be?

Talk soon, friends!

Savoring December

img_6568

It’s getting close now. Christmas is coming – quickly. Every so often I’ll spot a countdown – “6 shopping days until Christmas!” – and I think I should probably feel rushed by it, but I find myself wondering why I don’t.

Maybe this year it’s the impending arrival of a newborn, but I’m in a savor kind of heart-space lately.

I think ahead to next year and things will be so wonderfully different. We will have a 10 month old baby boy, and an almost F O U R year old daughter. I don’t want to rush any seasons. Ever. 

We didn’t even get our Christmas tree until last weekend, simply due to the way our schedules lined up, and letsbehonest…some procrastination, too. We drove out to a local tree farm, and wandered around assessing the trees that were left to choose from. (When December is already 1/3 over, you don’t get much say in how pretty your tree is. You just pick one that’s the right size and doesn’t lean too far to the right or left. Also, when you only bring a small amount of cash with you, you find that your choices are even narrower.)

img_6777img_6748

Just like last year, Aven brought along her beloved Minnie ornament to “try on” the tree. Once Minnie approved, Brandon fired up the chainsaw and down it came. The sweet old man who owned the farm offered up s’mores, and we happily obliged. We sat around his big fire pit, eating s’mores for lunch and chatting.

It was perfect. In a very unperfect, ordinary way. 

img_6717img_6768

A couple of nights later, we strung white lights on our little “Charlie Brown” tree, as Brandon calls it. After a friendly debate regarding whether to start from the top versus the bottom of the tree (bottom – duh!), it was shimmering sweetly in the corner of our living room. Then, just before bedtime, my two-year-old asked me to dance with her in the light of the tree. Dressed in our pj’s, we swayed, twirled, and giggled as the Christmas music played. It’s a little early to say for sure, but so far that moment is the front runner in my favorite memories this season. 

//

We bank on the big holiday moments – Santa’s lap, the perfect gift, Christmas morning – that’s what we’re focused on. We chase those moments with anticipation, and we rush around, checking every box on our Tradition To Do List. But the truth is, the spark of the Christmas spirit starts small and is much, much quieter. Just like His birth all those years ago. Simple. Modest. Almost unnoticed. And yet? Special. So immensely special and undeniably significant. 

If our hustle and bustle gets too loud, chaotic, or restless, we may just miss the simple sweetness of this season altogether. So pay attention to the small moments. Intentionally look for them. (And when you find them, don’t feel like you have to document them with a photo or an Instagram story — #preachingtomyself — because some of my most unforgettable moments are stored up only in my heart, just like the dance with my little girl that I mentioned earlier.)

img_6720

I realize there is a certain busy associated with the holidays that we can’t exactly avoid, but we can choose to not let it overtake us and distract us. Always be on the lookout for the pause button and don’t be afraid to press it. I know there’s not much left of December, but there’s always, always room to savor the significant.

*Write this at the top of your to do list today: Savor > Hustle. And if that’s the only box that’s been checked at the end of the day, just consider yourself ahead of the game.

img_6862

Thankful.

Writing has had to take a bit of a backseat lately, for various reasons, but today it feels so good to get my hands on this keyboard of mine because I have something sweet and special to share.

 

I cannot believe I get to do this again.

This….

IMG_1404_ed

Carry a baby. Assist in another miracle. And become a mama all over again. 

Thankful.

It feels too special. Too heavy and light all at the same time. Too full and too happy and too much. 

Entering motherhood two and a half years ago thrust me into the wildest adventure of my life. It also plunged me into conversations, experiences, relationships, and issues I never even knew existed before. My eyes have been opened to so much, and among that, especially a greater understanding and gratitude surrounding this space of bringing babies into the world. I know it doesn’t always come easy, or when or how we hope it will. Have I mentioned how thankful I am? 

I notice I’m worrying less this go-around, and praying more. Praying over absolutely everything – mostly my heart, my attitude, my spirit…but also things like who will be clocked in at the hospital when it’s delivery time. 

I find myself craving less control, more surrender. And what I really want is for that essence to diffuse beyond these next six or seven months, beyond the day this baby enters the world, and settle deep into my everyday life as I walk through motherhood. Another prayer to add to the list. 

So here I sit, smiling from the inside out, gratefully surrendered to whatever He has in store. Thank you, thank you, Lord.  

IMG_0224_ed