We see this hour together often, and I know: it could be worse. Much worse. I whisper a quiet “thank you” to you for letting me catch up on some sleep. I think sleep might be my love language.
You’re wide awake. I’m half-asleep. I go through the motions: I nurse you and burp you, then swaddle you back up tightly, because you are without a doubt the busiest-bodied baby with the strongest startle reflex I’ve ever seen. (God? Please bless the inventor of the swaddle, especially the Velcro ones. Amen.)
You stop squirming for a second and lay completely still. With my lamp glowing in the dark, I see you look right at me. We lock eyes, and in that instant, my mechanical mommy autopilot is switched off and I’m human again. I smile silently at you, because I can’t not, and you grin back. Baby gums, dimples, squinty eyes and all.
My eyes are still tired, but now they’re alive. Bright.
I dogear that moment purposefully.
Despite the fact that Finn has yet to sleep a single wink in his nursery, it’s one of my favorite spaces in our entire house.
When we found out we were having a boy, it didn’t take long for me to start daydreaming about decorating a boy’s nursery. Since Aven’s room is so girly and whimsical, I was looking forward to going in a totally different direction.
Brandon and I knew we wanted a feature wall where the crib was, so that was our starting point. And then after seeing this amazing nursery on Pinterest, we decided on a rustic woodsy theme, using mostly neutral colors. (I purposely steered clear from elements that make the room look too baby-ish so we can keep most of it for a big boy room later on down the road.)
I am SO happy with how it turned out! And props to my husband for building that awesome wall.
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By the time my due date was in sight, I was ready. So. Very. Ready.
Maybe it was being pregnant with a boy this time, or maybe it was because this was pregnancy number two for me, but growing a baby was not as easy this time around. Borderline polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid) that made me look and feel so much bigger so much faster, a breech baby, ridiculous swelling, Rhogam shots, two rounds of antibiotics….certainly nothing major, but still, it made my first pregnancy look like a walk in a really lovely park.
At my 39 week appointment, my doctor joked with me about the massive amount of amniotic fluid I was still carrying around, and said she hoped it would break in Walmart. (Good thing I can totally appreciate a warped sense of humor like that). I told her that would be impossible considering I don’t shop at Walmart because my mental health cannot handle it. But Target? Highly likely. And actually a scenario I welcomed because COME ON OUT BABY BOY. I was really, really ready.
I left that appointment believing he would be coming – on his own – any day now.
But unlike me, he was in no hurry. My babies must love life in the womb, because my due date of February 14 came and went uneventfully, just as it had with my daughter three years ago. And since she had weighed over 9 lbs at 9 days late, we decided to go ahead and induce me on the 16th.